The Journey

It all began with a book. And when it began, it happened so fast. So fast that until today, I still ask myself "Was it for real?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I left my 2 boys in the hands of my parents only with du'a to God that they will be fine. And we bid them goodbye in KB airport. No tears, nothing. I thought I was not that tough. I thought I would wail and cry. But no, God had answered my prayers that I wanted to be tough for the farewell.

But I cried when I hugged my dad in Kelana Jaya. I wasn't afraid of leaving them, but I was actually afraid of going. I just can't anticipate things. So I cried. But I went with nothing in mind, no expectation. Only du'a to Allah that things will be smooth. And really, Allah has granted my du'a again. Everything was as smooth as it can be.

Arrived in Medina early Sunday morning 17^th Oct 2010. I cried before the flight landed as I was looking out in the darkness and what I saw~ made my heart stopped. Masjid Nabawi was so brightly lit as if it was the only thing that exists on earth at that moment. I couldn't recall the last time I was there it was THAT magnificent.

Medina was great. My experience this time around was so different when I came 15 years ago. I appreciate Raudhah, I 'felt' Raudhah. I heard the history of Masjid Nabawi and I understood the significance. This time around I came prepared and I was glad for that.

Fast forward~ we had our niat Ihram at Bi'r Ali. Arrived in Mecca around 10 pm. We started our journey from Medina early in the morning, right after breakfast but our bus broke down not once, but twice. Nobody complained; we were delayed but all we said was Alhamdulillah.. we are safe. As it was too hot staying in the bus, I went down. My first time seeing sunset on a desert. Then I realized that kalau bas tak rosak, I would never have the opportunity to feel the desert wind on my face when the sun was setting down.

Baitullah, as I still remember it, was magical. We were so looking forward to perform our tawaf and saie (yes Yantie, we almost pancit) but still managed to complete it J

Our hotel was spanking new; we were the first occupants. Very close to Masjidil Haram. Since I did not have any expectation on the accommodation, I was really happy with everything. And again, Allah really 'listened' to us.

Time flies so fast it was time for Arafah, Mina and Muzdalifah. My heart skipped too many beats; it was like sitting for SPM, but in front of God. Seriously.

Things that I learned during the whole journey

1. Come with no expectation
   
2. Leave your titles behind, you are all pakcik and makcik to me. And I am always 'adik' to them.
   
3. Don't talk too much you are prone to mistakes
   
4. In Muzdalifah- it's all batu and pasir. Don't expect a Vono tilam waiting for you. I had fun, lying down senget-senget in between bags and people, my first experience sleeping under the stars. And staring into the dark space I thought of nothing else except Alhamdulillah aku tak percaya aku ada kat sini
   
5. Things in your thought, will happen just like in your thought. So reserve your comments, bite your tongue and shut your mouth. When I got reminders from God, I istighfar, solat taubat. Everything went back to normal.
   
6. I can survive mandi kambing for almost 72 hours. You should try that. Would you want to be questioned di akhirat later , why you mandi lama-lama when everyone else is trying to hold their 'small and big' business?
   
7. Uzey sometimes looks like Arab, Nigerian and Benggali to the Arabs, Nigerian & Benggalis
   
8. I am always mistaken as delegate from China
   
9. We did not have much money in our account when we decided to register for hajj. But the money came, in ways that we never thought possible. I believe that when the calling is there, you gotta do what you gotta do
   

   
    

   I still couldn't believe that I was there, now that I am back. But really, few of my prayers have been answered without me looking for an answer. It was waiting for us when we came back.
   

   
    

   But why did I want to go? Why I wanted to go so much? And the common question people keep asking me, why now?
   

   
    

   Coz
   

   1. I want to set myself free~ I want to feel the existence of God while I am still able to appreciate things
      
   2. I want to test my endurance, can I survive Arafah? Can I survive Mina? Can I survive Muzdalifah?
      
   3. I want to find a reason for turning point~ so I have the reasons to be a better person
      
   4. The time is right~ my kids are independent and my parents are healthy. They really enjoyed each other and I am glad I had the opportunity to let them enjoy each other
      
   5. Allah opened my heart at the moment I was not even thinking of it, hence I did not want to deny the call
      

      
       

   But again, I always tell myself and people around me, this is not competition. Haji is never a competition. Doesn't mean the richer ones naik haji earlier, or the poorer ones will have to wait longer. No it doesn't work that way.
   

   When God gives you a 'call', listen and go. Be prepared. Don't anticipate. Things will be better if you don't expect things to happen the way you want it to be.
   

   
    

   ---to be cont….